The Evil Eye

Hanging out with Indian Astrologers in London

“Please write down your name and your date of birth.”

Vijay flashed me the warmest smile as I sat down. He did some basic arithmetic on a piece of paper and then asked to look at my palms.

“You have 1 in 10000 palms. Seriously, in my entire career, I have only seen 2 or 3 palms like yours, truly remarkable.”

“Thank you…” I tried to keep my face passive, betraying no hint of doubt, trying my best to appear as sincerely believing as possible. He put 9 shells in my hands and asked me to cast them down onto the table. He recorded how many shells were right side up as I repeated this process 3 more times.

“You have very amazing parents. Wonderful life and love lines. You will be married at 32, you will have a beautiful family. You are very intelligent, your general knowledge is top notch, you will be very successful businessman.”

He proceeded to heap praises on me for the next 20 minutes, making me feel as though I was the most special person in the world.

“However…there is something blocking you. I can see beautiful potential, your future will be very successful, but there are those who are very jealous of your success. They have cast negative energy on you, we call this, the evil eye, and until it is lifted you will be stuck. You will put in 100% to achieve 50% results. You will face many ups and downs. Things will not go according to plan. In order to remove this, you will need to follow some procedures. Do not eat pork and beef for 3 days, and fast from sunrise to sunset. With these changes you will see 10% results. For the remainder 90% I can help you…”

I’m paraphrasing but he was staring deep into my soul at this point so I can’t remember the exact lines. A whole host of “Barnum statements” - generically vague statements that sound true to everyone. But I was moved. My soul was stirred. Even with a background in science I was beginning to wonder, what if this evil eye has been affecting me? I think back to the enemies that I’ve made over the years. It’s conceivable that one of them has communed with the spirits to send negative energy my way.

The basic principles of astrology concern the movement of the stars and planets across the sky. Indian astrology takes into account the moon as well, and together with the other astral bodies, skilled practitioners can read how the course of our lives play out. The nine shells represent the 9 planets, and the pattern with which they fall out of my hands constitute the tea leaves from which cosmic significance can be read.

“... so anyway, it will be 3 prayers a day, for seven days, and I can remove it for you. 10 pounds a prayer, comes out to 210 pounds only. Think of it as a drop in the bucket of all the money that will flow in. It will be nothing to you. All the positive energy will repay a hundred fold. All the things you ever dreamed of…”

I told him that I’m a poor student, I can’t afford that price right now. What about 100 pounds, I offer automatically.

He considered this for a moment. Then he smiled knowingly. He understood my plight, and he was going to help me anyways.

“Ok, 100 pounds for now. I know you will be successful. I will see you on TV brother.”

Sounds good, I will pay you back when I make it on TV. You have my promise. I couldn’t believe what I was doing but I was sucked into the moment and I wanted to see this through… I handed him two 50 pound notes and he offered immediate assurances, repeating himself. Married at 32, a wonderful life, beautiful family. Very intelligent, successful. Businessman. We exchanged contacts. I left in a daze.

I walked down the street, and was bombarded with several more Indian astrology posters. When you really look, you realize these shops have sprouted everywhere like weeds. I walked into another one since the day was young. 

The same script as before, name and date of birth. Another man from south India. Bangalore. Your future will be very good and successful, 6 is your lucky number, and your family will be proud of you. But for now, money will come and go. At this point, I’m seeing some negative energy. From your forefathers, anyone who has done mistakes. Anything you get without hard work won’t stay. From 100% luck, only 50% luck will work. The eye of jealousy is upon you.

Ah. What can I do about this? How do I get rid of this? I have to almost nudge his script along. He is tired, maybe he’s had a long day, maybe he’s distracted by something else. He doesn’t even want my business.

“200 pounds, and I can do the prayers for you. That is my price.”

No thank you, I already have someone praying for me, I want to say, but I just leave it at that. I glance around the room at his particular assortment of idols and religious imagery.

I asked him, “why do you have so many gods here?”

He replied, “Each god gives same but different powers to heal. I pray to all of them. Jesus, Allah, I pray to them all. But listen to me, and listen to me now. Money will come and go. But at this point I’m seeing some negative energy. Karma is passing through you from your ancestors. From 200% luck only 100% luck will work.”

His delivery is shaky, repetitive, and unconvincing. I’ll have to think about it, I say. I felt drained from keeping my face neutral and expectant on purpose for the entire morning. I paid him the 10 pound consultation fee, and I decided to call it a day and headed home.

The next day, I called ahead to an astrologer in Camden. He directed me to his brother’s practice in Nag’s Head, maybe he was too full up today. Guru Shivaji’s monologue was more of the same. Rinse and repeat.

“You had wonderful life. You have travelled extensively. You liked to help everyone. Poor, old, friends and enemies, you trusted and respected everyone. No problem in your future brother. Whether financial or health wise, no big issue, you’ll never get in trouble with police, no unexpected hospital visit. You are very intelligent, general knowledge is very very good. A brilliant mind. A business mind. You will become millionaire - yes, a millionaire brother. But there are those who are jealous of you. They don’t respect you or your talent. One day you will provide for over a hundred thousand people, but for now your route is blocked. You have black magic problem. Right now if you give 100% of your love, you won’t receive back 100% love. I can provide for you 3 protections - one keep with you, one put in your home, one put under your pillow. Only 375 pounds brother.”

375 pounds - this was the highest quote yet. I pretended to consider it before regretfully confessing I didn’t have the funds. He let me leave after some back and forth, drop in the bucket, money comes and goes.

After leaving the shop, right on cue, Vijay called me back asking how my new vegetarian diet was going. He assured me that the prayers were going very well on his end, and said I should come in tomorrow to receive some protection while he performs the second half of the prayers.

When I arrived, he greeted me with the familiar refrain - a beautiful family and a bright future. But was something unsettling this time - in his prayers, he had heard that I consulted other astrologers. He warned me not to mix up the energies lest disastrous consequences befall me. My mind conjured up a secret cabal of astrologers gossiping about their clients daily in a shadowy back corner of a temple somewhere. More realistically, they have a Whatsapp group chat.

“Day by day day by day day by day”, he says, like a lullaby, “Whatever goals you have, personal way, educational way, professional way, financial way, you will achieve it.”

“Can you feel the positive change? Good. But we still have three days of prayers to go. Come back on Thursday, and I will tell you shape of the person who is giving you evil eye.”

When the time came for the session to end though, he asks if I have brought the remainder of the payment. It came out more forcefully and quickly than he had hoped. I told him that I thought I would pay when I get on television. I have to admit that I was feeling a little heartbroken at the greed in his eyes and in his tone of voice, we talked as if we were brothers, at least at the first encounter, and he seemed genuinely concerned for my wellbeing and wanted to help me achieve all that I was destined to achieve in life. Now it had quickly degenerated into cheap attempts at squeezing just a little more money out of me. I acted as if I believed wholeheartedly, maybe I acted so well that I was starting to truly believe it myself. He gave me a small paper talisman to put on the right side of my bed, wrapped in yellow string, and I promised to return it on Thursday.

After seeing so much Hindu iconography, I was inspired to visit a large Hindu temple nearby. In Wembley, passing 3 different signs for astrologer gurus, I walked straight past. But as I was nearing the temple, I couldn’t believe it, there was a young man who stopped me on the street to hand me a flyer for… an Indian astrologer next door. He’s the best, most famous, guru from India. I had to pay Eshwar Guruji a visit.

At this point I was extremely familiar with the script, actually incredulous that it’s being reused so brashly, almost verbatim. A new addition was a recent falling out with a friend (accurate), and my father and mother health going down (my father is deceased).

He showed me images in a family album, a montage of him performing the ritual, an elaborate array of minerals and plants on wicker basket plates, burning in a big fire next to fully decked out gurus and smiling faces all around. The temple around the corner, he assures me.

He showed me the star sheets of others who came earlier that day (is that allowed?) and the amounts that he charged for more complex versions of prayers - the evil eyes afflicting them were more severe than mine - 481 pounds. 987 pounds. All oddly specific amounts, specific to the evil spirit in question. His price for me was 9 prayers, 20 pounds per prayer. 180 pounds - what a steal!

After delicately sidestepping the payment and making it out of the locked door, I made my way to the temple, took off my shoes, and prayed to each god in the route in turn.

I prayed for their protection, hoping their blessings would cancel out the potential negative energy from my intrusion into the work of the astrologers. I prayed their gods would forgive me for any disrespect, I prayed that they could be forgiven for swindling untold scores of Asian aunties, I prayed that their families would grow up happy and healthy, I prayed amid the absurdity of gilded porcelain statues and intricately carved dome ceilings. These gods are not jealous gods, they’re happy to live in posters and statues alongside all the other gods. Here, the gods serve the people, not the other way around.

Vijay called me at 8 in the evening and told me to make sure to be home soon so that he could send me positive spiritual energy via the vessel he entrusted me with. How did he know I wasn’t home right now? Was the talisman that he gave me actually a GPS chip? My mind couldn’t help but go in that direction. I opened it up, breaking the protective seal, and revealed a golden coin with 7 carvings of gods in a ring. Probably not GPS. When I got home, I meditated.

I feel lighter somehow, less tired, more positive energy. I’m definitely imagining it. The most obvious placebo. And yet…

There are forces in the world that defy explanation.